When we think of inheritance, it’s easy to imagine a family gathered nervously in front of an attorney’s desk, straining to listen to him read a departed uncle’s will rife with property, money, and a brooch that belonged to a grandmother. In fact, “inheritance” and “will” go hand in hand. If you feel strongly about making sure your worldly goods are distributed according to your wishes, surely you have a will yourself.
But there is a legacy you'll leave that is more important than all your worldly possessions combined. And it requires no will to find its rightful place in your children's lives. In fact you don't even have to be deceased for it to become valuable to them.
YOUR LEGACY
What you bequeath to your children is the spiritual deposit of God’ truth. It’s our identity in Christ Jesus. That truth not only grows and nurtures their lives, but also becomes a legacy to their children and children’s children. It’s the foundation of biblical truth that guides the decisions of your children.
SO HOW DO YOU IMPART THIS GIFT OF LEGACY?
In order to impart a legacy that passes on our identity in Christ Jesus, we must continually initiate sharing with our maturing teenagers and adult children. We can never take a healthy, holy relationship with them for granted. As a parent, you must:
- Become a good coach in their decisions.
- Counsel with an open heart, an open mind, and an open Bible
- Mentor , using your life as an example and
- Be a friend for life
If done right, children grow in Christ, and as a bonus, become friends for life to their parents. Jesus told His disciples that He no longer regarded them as servants but as friends. What a joy it is to have our adult children as friends, confidantes who share not thoughts and opinions, but relate to us intimately, heart to heart.
LEGACY AS A COACH
Instead of telling our adult children what decisions to make about vocation, friends, education, finances, etc., it’s more effective to coach them. Coaches don’t play the game for their teams, they train and offer input to help their players discover mistakes, compensate for weaknesses, build on strengths, learn skills for improving play, and develop finesse to become winners.
That’s what we want for our maturing teenagers and adult children. When they are younger, we can guide them through educational and training experiences that will give them the knowledge and skills they need to pursue their vocations – the God-given callings on their lives for work. God instituted work in Scripture as the means for providing for our families and giving outlet to our creative, physical, intellectual and emotional abilities.
In sports, coaches see the talents and gifts within the team members, and maximize those abilities. They don’t put players into positions for which they have no aptitude. Parents are like sports coaches. We see our children’s talents and gifts, and maximize them. We don’t force our children into adult lives based on our own desires, wants or unfulfilled dreams. Rather we desire God’s best for our adult children and do our best to help them fulfill God’s plan. We cast visions for our families.
The defining decisions. Maturing children face a lot of choices. Here are the defining decisions that they must make with our coaching:
- How and where they will worship and serve God
- Developing friendship and discovering God’s provision for a mate
- Becoming equipped to fulfill God’s call in a vocation
- Starting a family and providing for all their needs
We want to see our adult children succeed in relationships and vocations that fulfill God’s plans for their lives. They need our coaching to help them sort out and set priorities. As any coach must, the parental coach imparts the basics and provides support in order for a player to become skilled and confident enough to win. The basic priorities are simple: God first, family next, work, church, rest, recreation and other things follow. As effective parental coaches we model and say to our children, “In everything you do, put God first, and He will direct you and crown your efforts with success” (Prov. 3:6 TLB).
LEGACY AS A COUNSELOR
Scripture affirms that safety can be found in a multitude of counselors (Prov. 11:14). We find our example for counseling as parents to be rooted in the person of the Holy Spirit. As our counselor, He glorifies Jesus, reveals truth, guides us into the future and comforts us (John 14:16). The Spirit encourages, corrects and directs our ways.
As counselors to maturing and adult children, we parents listen with empathy, speak the truth in love, point to our children’s gifts, potential and talents, comfort them when make wrong turns, and redirect them in right directions.
Encouragement becomes an essential dynamic between parents and children as we grow into becoming friends for life. Parents need to say to one another and their children: “Our responsibility is to encourage the right at all times, not to hope for evil” (2 Cor. 13:8 TLB). To encourage is to deposit courage, bravery, boldness and assertiveness into the lives of our children. Those deposits help them stand firm in the Lord through the trials and tests that they’ll face as adults with their own families.
LEGACY AS A MENTOR
Parents are invaluable counselors and mentors for children as they grow into courtship, marriage and parenting themselves. When parents and children are friends for life, their adult children can turn to them for example, help, support and guidance in growing as wives, husbands, mothers and fathers.
Paul affirms, “Follow my example as I follow the example of Christ” (1Cor. 11:1). Mentoring sets an example as parents go through life’s passages ahead of their children. Adult children, just as they did when they were younger, are always watching. They closely observe us handling job changes, dealing with money and business, moving to new homes or locations, making and maintaining friendships, working through conflict and difficulties, struggling with ethical issues, and going into the empty nest and senior years with grace, purpose and commitment to Christ.
"Because parents are friends for life, their adult children can turn to them for help, support and guidance in growing as wives, husbands, mothers and fathers."
The parental mentor says to the child,
“I’m there for you”.
“I’ll encourage you in every circumstance of life.”
“I’ll never give up on you.”
“I’ll always pray for you.”
“I’m confident in your God-given destiny.”
“I’m always ready to forgive and go on with you.”
“I’m finishing strong so that you’ll know that what I profess is real and effective for the whole race of life.”
“I’ll encourage you in every circumstance of life.”
“I’ll never give up on you.”
“I’ll always pray for you.”
“I’m confident in your God-given destiny.”
“I’m always ready to forgive and go on with you.”
“I’m finishing strong so that you’ll know that what I profess is real and effective for the whole race of life.”
As effective mentors we constantly keep this “How to” Checklist in front of us. Because of my coaching, mentoring, and friendship, do my children know how to:
- Manage money wisely and avoid credit card and installment debt?
- Buy and sell homes and property?
- Develop and stay in a covenant marriage?
- Parent their children in the ways of God?
- Work productively and responsibly?
- Serve and worship God?
- Utilize their gifts and talents for the Kingdom of God ?
- Make right decision and grow through wrong ones?
- Choose and keep Godly friends?
- Live life purely and joyfully?
- Prosper in every aspect of life?
LEGACY AS FRIENDS FOR LIFE
Some parents think that when their children are old enough and move out, this turning-point-moment gives them permission to retire from being parents. Not so. We are parents for life and consequently, friends for life.
Maintaining friends – any friends – requires attention and effort. Children are no exception. Through the advances in technology, regular contact and communication with our children has never been easier, no matter how far away they are. Email, phone, fax, digital imaging, and video provide us with ways to stay connected across the miles.
Set regular times to call or email your adult children. Build positive, loving relationships with your grandchildren. Stay connected physically, relationally and spiritually. Pray without ceasing for your children and their families.
THE INHERITANCE WE LEAVE FOR OUR CHILDREN.
Leave a legacy for your children and children’s children. God’s goodness in us prompts us to leave an inheritance for our children (Prov. 13:22). Just as God gives us good gifts, so we desire to give good gifts to our children. Therefore, we must plan the inheritance and legacy we’ll leave. That plan embraces good financial management as well as an intentional teaching of God’s truths to our children.
Our legacy goes far beyond worldly possessions or good memories. It’s rooted in the eternal truths of God that passes on through the generations to our successors. Children and grandchildren benefit financially from an inheritance, but they will more greatly benefit from relational and spiritual blessings. Our responsibility as parents mandates that we sow love, joy, peace, kindness, mercy, patience and self control into our families and the families that come after us.
What harvest, what legacy will your children and grandchildren enjoy from your coaching, counseling, mentoring, sowing and friendship? Work to be the parent of whom your children might say: “Her children rise up and call her blessed” (Prov. 31:28) and “His children are blessed after him” (Prov. 20:7)
Adapted for Legacy magazine from the 2=1's Parents for Life course
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